The Power of Holding Space: How to Support Cancer Patients and Survivors with Compassion

When People Don’t Know How to Show Up

After treatment, I started running into people I hadn’t seen since before my diagnosis, and a lot of them said the same thing: “I didn’t know how to support you.” Some admitted they were afraid of saying the wrong thing. Others felt helpless and just kind of disappeared. And honestly? I get it. Cancer—especially in young adults—is hard for people to navigate.

The instinct is usually one of two things: try to fix it or avoid it altogether. But the truth is, supporting someone through cancer doesn’t have to be complicated. It’s not about bringing meals or saying the “right” thing. The most powerful thing you can do? Hold space. Just be there—without pressure, without fixing, and without expecting them to "stay positive." That, more than anything, makes a difference.

Why Holding Space Matters

Cancer is messy, and figuring out how to support someone going through it? That’s messy too. We need people by our side, but we also need space to process everything—two things that don’t always go hand in hand. What I really needed in those moments wasn’t a pep talk or someone trying to fix things. I needed the freedom to sit with my emotions—without pressure, without expectation.

The best support I got wasn’t from the people who tried to pull me out of the darkness—it was from the ones who just sat with me in it. No solutions, no forced positivity—just a quiet, safe presence that said, “I’m here.” Because in my lowest moments, I didn’t need to be fixed. I just needed the space to process the reality of what I was facing.

What Does It Mean to Hold Space?

Holding space is just a fancy way of saying “being there without trying to fix everything.” It means showing up, staying present, and letting someone feel what they need to feel—without offering advice, solutions, or the classic “just stay positive” line. When you do that, you create a space where they feel heard, seen, and safe to be real—which, when you’re going through something as overwhelming as cancer, is everything.

Now, if you’re someone who likes to solve problems (hi, I see you), this can feel really hard. The instinct to jump in and make things better is strong, but sometimes, that does more harm than good. It can make the person feel like their pain is being minimized or brushed aside. Instead, just listen, sit with them, and let them process things on their own terms. You don’t have to fix it—you just have to hold space. And that’s more powerful than you might think.

The Complexity of Holding Space as a Caregiver

There were moments during my three-year battle with cancer when I was terrified I wasn’t going to make it. One that still haunts me was sitting at my kitchen table, reading my pathology report. In bold, unforgiving letters, it read: poor prognosis. I couldn’t stop crying. My mom, trying to stay strong, became frustrated with my “negativity.”

Looking back, I get it. Her frustration wasn’t about my reaction—it was about her own fear. She was grappling with the possibility of losing her child, and her instinct was to push away that reality. But in that moment, I didn’t need her to be strong for me. I needed her to sit in the uncertainty with me.

This kind of dynamic is even more complicated when the caregiver is a parent. Both people are grieving in real-time, but in completely different ways. If you find yourself in this situation, talk about it. Find a way to hold space for each other, not just for the patient. Because sometimes, the person taking care of you needs space too.

Why Introspection Matters

Healing isn’t just physical—it’s mental and emotional too. Cancer forces you to process some of the heaviest emotions imaginable—fear, anger, sadness, guilt—all at once. And the only way through it is to give yourself space to actually feel those emotions.

Turning inward helps survivors make sense of their experience. It allows us to figure out what we need, what’s changed, and what still feels uncertain. More than anything, it gives back a sense of control when everything else feels unpredictable. When we don’t give ourselves that time, we’re left carrying the emotional weight long after treatment ends.

Why Is Holding Space So Hard?

Because watching someone suffer is brutal. Our instinct is to fix, distract, or cheer them up—anything to make it better. But sitting in silence, witnessing someone’s pain without offering a solution? That’s uncomfortable. It can feel passive or even like you’re failing them.

But this is where real empathy happens. Holding space isn’t about doing nothing. It’s about trusting that they don’t need to be saved—they just need to be seen.

How to Hold Space for Someone Battling Cancer

If you want to support someone through cancer, here’s what actually helps:

1. Listen Without Judgment

Let them vent, cry, be angry, or say things that don’t make sense. They don’t need advice. They just need to be heard.

2. Resist the Urge to Fix

You can’t fix cancer. You can’t positive-think it away. Trying to push solutions can make them feel dismissed. Instead, just acknowledge their reality.

3. Be Fully Present

Put your phone away. Make eye contact. Show them they have your full attention. Just being there—really there—matters more than you know.

4. Offer Validation

Instead of “Stay positive,” try “I can see how hard this is for you.” Instead of “Don’t think that way,” try “It’s okay to feel this way.” It makes a difference.

5. Follow Their Lead

Some days, they’ll want to talk. Other days, they’ll want to watch bad reality TV and forget about cancer altogether. Let them set the tone, and just go with it.

The Power of Simply Being There

Supporting someone through cancer isn’t about fixing them. It’s not about having the right words or the perfect advice. It’s about showing up, staying present, and letting them feel what they need to feel—without judgment or expectation.

Holding space is one of the most powerful, compassionate things you can do. It reminds survivors that they’re not alone, that their emotions are valid, and that they don’t have to put on a brave face for anyone.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is just sit beside them and let them feel it all. And that, in itself, is enough.